“One-Anothering” for Introverts

Is it just me, or have you noticed a lot of social media attention (dare I say hype?) about introverts lately?

I mean, there are actual articles called, “The 19 ‘Extroverted’ Behaviors That Annoy Introverts the Most” and “53 Pictures Only Introverts Can Truly Appreciate.” Slogans like “Sorry, can’t talk. I talked to two people yesterday,” or “All I care about is food and avoiding people.” Memes that say, “I love my phone until someone actually calls me on it,” or “Whew, that was close. I almost had to socialize.” And these don’t even begin to scratch the surface of what’s out there. Guys, this introvert thing is huge!

So why write an article drawing attention to this bashful, unobtrusive people group? Why not leave them alone, as they seem to prefer? Because I have a feeling that, what with all these flagrant proclamations, they have the potential to shift not only our cultural awareness (which is fine) but our Christian culture as well (which may be problematic). Bear with me while I explain.

A Smidge of Backstory

First, I want you to hear me loud and clear: I myself am an introvert. I can relate to all the funny (and melodramatic) memes featuring cozy, book-reading loners and socially-hesitant party-goers. I psyche myself up for phone calls and interactions. Sometimes (ok, usually) I make sure the coast is clear before venturing outside. You’re not surprised by this, I’m sure; after all, I’m a bookish blogger. I have introvert written all over me.

This is not a recent development for me either. In elementary, I would hole up and read two Babysitter Club books in one day. In high school, I asked for a keyboard, a guitar, and the complete works of Shakespeare as gifts. I never played a team sport, and while I had some good friends, I was certainly no social butterfly. In college I chose to study creative writing and music so I could be a  singer/songwriter/novelist/hermit living alone in a cabin at the top of a mountain. Oh, sure, I planned to come down occasionally and wow the studios with a new repertoire of deep music and lyrics or to drop another brilliant, handwritten tome on the publisher’s desk, but then I’d retreat to my precious solitude once again.

Little did I know what my future would hold.

Shifting and Stretching

I didn’t make it past my sophomore year of college before God began steering me away from isolation (and delusion). He forcibly shifted my focus to an English Education degree, and—kicking and screaming—I changed my major accordingly. Then I accidentally moved to Texas  and got a job as a high school teacher and play director (a long and wonderful story for another day) and so found myself surrounded by people all the livelong day long. But as an introvert doing extrovert things, I was stretched and stretched some more.

And then, after 11 years of teaching, God moved my husband and me up to Michigan where I found myself completely alone for the majority of the day. My family was too far to simply drop in, and I didn’t know a soul at church. Ah, solitude at long last.

And so, having gotten exactly what I’d been dreaming of for decades, I was finally happy, satisfied, and fulfilled. The end.

The Truth About Our Design

All right, you caught me; that’s not true, and that’s not the end. The truth is that, after finally achieving isolation, I knew that something was missing. It’s not that I craved friends or longed for interactions. (I had books, walks, and writing projects, after all.) But I realized that God must have taught me a very important lesson while I was in Texas because, even though I was happy, something felt off. I knew I wasn’t fulfilling one very important purpose for which God had made me, even though it wasn’t one that came naturally.

See, lately we introverts have made sure the world knows all about what we want via our social media soap boxes. But I have a truth bomb for those of us who are also trying to grow in the image of Christ: despite all the proclamations of our delicate needs and preferences, Christian introverts are not exempt from “one anothering.”

What Is “One-Anothering”?

“Hey, wait! First of all, how dare you, and secondly, what is one anothering?”
So glad you asked. Obviously it’s a weird verb form of “one another,” but it’s used to refer to the “one another” commands in the New Testament—things like love one another, serve one another, be hospitable to one another…you get the picture. If the Bible had limited itself to things like “avoid one another,” introverts would be in the clear, but God tends to be pretty relational. That’s why I felt a gap in my soul when I was alone. It turns out that after God was through stretching me like taffy in Texas, my small heart had grown three sizes. God had knocked down some fences, scooched over my bookshelves, and made room for others.

And that, my friends, is a very good thing.

Soli Deo Gloria

And the best part is that I didn’t do it myself—God did it to me. On my own, I’m just like C.S. Lewis during his reluctant conversion, “kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting [my] eyes in every direction for a chance of escape.” We aren’t sure where He’s taking us, but we’re positive it won’t be comfortable, and so we sink in our heels and balk like a stubborn old mule. But change us He will, because that’s His design for His children. Sure, it can be scary or painful and sometimes exhausting, but as with all sanctification, God is faithful to complete what he starts in us. He takes all the responsibility, and he gets all the glory.

God definitely deserves glory for changing my heart of stone to a heart of flesh, especially by giving me a loving, serving, extroverted husband to encourage me in one-anothering. Since I no longer work a job that puts me smack in the middle of a school and church, I technically have the option of connecting or retreating. But do you want to hear a miracle? Slowly but surely, I’m connecting! I’ve had dinner parties with friends, conversations with neighbors, lunch with church visitors, and deeper friendships with more people. And I’m not just trying to get points for altruism—it’s for my good, too! It’s almost like God’s plan is perfect or something.

Same Commands; Different Approach

So God is working in the heart of every believer in order to change us. Is He trying to make introverts more like extroverts or vice versa? No, He’s simply making us all more like Jesus. God has designed us differently on purpose, and we’re all “wonderfully made.” But we are also “his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” And it just so happens that many of those good works will involve other people.

Will it look the same for an introvert and an extrovert to practice “one-anothering”? Probably not. Introverts may meet in smaller groups, make more Tolkien references, and breathe into paper bags afterward, and that’s all right. But by God’s grace, we can all begin to “honor one another above [our]selves,” “serve one another in love,” “carry each other’s burdens,” “speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs,” “confess [our] sins to each other,” “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling,” and “use whatever gift [we have] received to serve others.” And above all, we can love and encourage one another. Since those two commands are repeated over and over, they must be pretty important.

Wrapping It Up

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, that list is pretty daunting, and it’s only a small sampling of what God asks of us. Feeling ready to wave the white flag and run for the hills? Don’t! The good news is that “God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” He promises to supply not only the ability but even the desire to obey? Praise God! What a relief.

So, my fellow introverts, take courage. Let’s start small and see what God does in us and through us. We can start by swapping out sentiments like, “A large group of people is called a ‘no thanks,’” for “A large group of people is called a ‘sanctification situation.’” Even if a large group, for you, is two people. And afterward, by all means let’s relax and recharge. But let’s do so with the intention of opening our hearts and our homes again and again, knowing that the over-planning and over-thinking is far outweighed by the reward for our obedience.

Sources:
Quote from Surprised by Joy: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/681434-you-must-picture-me-alone-in-that-room-in-magdalen
Commands: http://storage.cloversites.com/wakarusamissionarychurch/documents/59one_another_scriptures.pdf
Article: https://www.challies.com/articles/one-another-the-bible-community/
Verse References in Order: Ps. 139:14, Eph. 2:10, Phil. 2:13, NLT, Romans 12:10, Galatians 5:13, Galatians 6:2, Ephesians 5:19, James 5:16, I Peter 4:9, I Peter 4:10