A Checklist for Perfectionists

Are you a to-do list person? I am 1,000% a to-do list person. It’s a blessing and a curse. 

As an undeniable perfectionist, I struggle to stop working. My brain is always chugging away a million miles a minute, thinking about what I need to finish today, tomorrow, next year… A to-do list gives me a sense of peace and purpose. I like knowing that I have an external, objective list of tasks to slash off as I pursue the finish line on the distant horizon. 

Unfortunately, like the horizon, the end of my to-do list recedes as I approach it. I take a step toward it, and it edges backward. I charge after it like a juggernaut only to find that it has taken a jet plane to the next hemisphere. In terms of progress, my days are a case study in futility. 

A TREADMILL OF TASKS

To make matters worse, the tasks I do often don’t meet with my own approval. I mull it over, thinking how I could have done better, should have done more. The slashed-out tasks haunt me even as the next tasks loom over me. As you can imagine, I struggle to live in the moment. That may sound trendy or cliché, but it’s a real problem for me. 

There are countless tasks I have to do to keep my family going, but I know the tasks are far less important than spending time with my family. That’s a simple statement, a black-and-white fact, and yet it’s often hard for me to make that distinction in the trenches of everyday life. I want to read books to my toddler, but the dishes… I want to play with my kids outside, but the laundry… You get the picture. There’s always more to do on my list.

STICKY NOTE INSPIRATION

So here’s a new list. A different one—a list for the perfectionist who needs an occasional reminder about what’s really important. Surprisingly, the list is in no particular order. Trust me, I wanted to go back through and reorganize these according to some inscrutable flow of thought, but that seemed to defeat the purpose. Ergo, here are a handful of reminders that I should write on sticky notes and put on every surface of my home. I hope you find them relatable and helpful, whatever your personality.  

A CHECKLIST FOR PERFECTIONISTS

• Walk away. Sometimes “good enough” really is. 
• Don’t worry about it. The dishes will still be there when you’re done spending time with the kids. (Unfortunately.) 
• Enjoy it. Every stage of life has its own challenges and blessings; choose to focus on the latter.
• Drop it. If you’ve said your piece tactfully, leave it at that and let the other person do with it as they will.
• Stop thinking about it. Whatever irrevocable decision you made earlier today, it’s the right one now. 
• Modify expectations. You can’t always do your absolute best on absolutely everything.
• Ditch the guilt. Even your best effort won’t always be awesome, and that’s all right. 
• Ditch the guilt trip. If someone else is doing their best, that’s all you can expect of them. If they’re not doing their best, nagging certainly won’t improve morale. 
• Opt for simplicity. An elaborate master plan may be tempting, but consider the sanity of your spouse.
• Tolerate clutter. Despite your feelings to the contrary, it won’t kill you to pick it up later. 
• Savor today. Reminiscing and dreaming aren’t bad, but regret and worry are thieves. Don’t let them steal your moments. 
• Choose thankfulness. Even when you’re frustrated and overwhelmed, there is still so much to be grateful for.

FEEL THE FREEDOM 

My natural tendencies and lifelong practices all lean toward control and away from rest. Reminders like these won’t fix me overnight, but they’re a start. If you’re a to-do list person too, why not work on something off of this new list? 

Give yourself permission to stop working, worrying, and chasing the horizon for a little while. After all, the only certainties in life are death, taxes, and an interminable to-do list. Your obligations aren’t going anywhere, so let’s set the old list down and see what freedom feels like, shall we? Personally, I’m going to go read some books with my kids. 

…Right after I organize this pile of toys.