My Best Piece of Parenting Wisdom

This week I had the privilege of sending a letter to a sweet friend who’s expecting her first baby. She and her husband are absolutely wonderful, and their families are fantastic. She’s the last person who really needs parenting advice from someone like me. Nevertheless, she asked for it, so I attempted it.

Thinking about wisdom to share made me realize how much I still have to grow as a mom. Of course I’ve picked up a few tidbits of what I should be doing, but actually doing it is another matter entirely. As the apostle Paul says, “For what I want to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.”

That being said, the letter shares one bit of wisdom that I strive for every day. It goes against every fiber of my Type A personality, but I know it’s so worthwhile. I know my friend will get it right far more often than I do, but by God’s grace I’ll continue to grow as a mom for years to come.

So, without further ado, the letter:

Dear Friend,

Today is a normal day. I’ve wiped several booties, noses, and countertops. We’ve spent the morning wrestling through homeschool and enjoying Bible stories. I’ve broken up fights and offered gospel truth that seemed to go in one ear and out the other. We enjoyed fall sunshine beneath the same tall trees I walked under when I was their age. We navigated a handful of bad attitudes (half of them mine), and I know there will be plenty more before bedtime. Basically, my friend, motherhood is a mixed bag. It drags me through the seven stages of insanity and back again. Every. Single. Day.

That’s why I feel like the least qualified person to offer parenting advice to you, especially since you’re surrounded by so many wonderful examples. God has given you the most fabulous family and church. He’s also given you a kind heart, deep love, and wisdom beyond your years. Your sweet boy will already have it made in the shade!

 But you did ask for advice, so I’ll try to crystalize my whopping six-and-a-half years of experience into something shareable. Here it is—my big truth bomb:

DO less. BE more.

This isn’t new or earth-shattering. I’m sure you’ve had several moms tell you some variation on this theme already. But I know why—it’s because it’s so important and so, SO, SO hard.

It’s true that there are plenty of things that won’t get done unless you do them. But it’s also true that some of those things may not need to be done right now…or at all! That’s a hard pill to swallow for an overachiever, but it’s the truth. Sometimes “good enough” really is good enough.

Moms are great, but they’re not God. They don’t have to hold the universe together.

What your kids will really value is knowing that you enjoy spending time with them. Nothing too earth-shattering. Just being together. When I crawl into bed at night and think back on my day, the times that bring me the most satisfaction aren’t the times I get a lot done. I’m most satisfied when I’ve spent just being with them. Kids thrive on getting messy, playing in water, and being read to. Sounds simple, but it takes great force of will to set aside the to-do list and simply  be.

Most days as a mom, I feel like I’m barely scraping by with a C- and a few A- moments sprinkled in. I know you’ll do much better. But if you ever need a small reminder from this mama, just do less and be more. The rest will get done eventually.

Love you, my friend, and I’m so excited for the future of your sweet, sweet family!!

All my love,
Emily