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In Pursuit of Perfection: Identity
Last time we discovered that approval from God isn’t something I can earn, even with my ceaseless efforts to be impressive. It’s only when I “cast my deadly doings down” and come to Jesus for salvation that I find acceptance in Christ. What great news! Because of the cross, God freely gives me the acceptance I could never earn.
So does that doesn’t mean I’ve forsaken my tendency toward perfectionism? Sadly, no. I may be recovering from my need for perfection-fueled approval, but my search for identity is often just as problematic. Read on to see if you can relate.
Who Do You Think You Are?
If you were asked to describe yourself to a group of strangers, how would you go about it? You would probably start with the standard reply: name, age(ish), origin, and occupation. If you were asked to describe yourself to a group of friends or family, you’d skip all that and go straight for descriptions of personality: funny, busy, anxious, organized. But what if people were asked to describe you?
Scary thought, right?
That scary thought exposes my struggle for identity. When I imagine what people think of me and how they would describe me, my perfection gland gets a turbo boost. I begin with a list of adjectives that I want people to think of, and then I begin the futile task of trying to plant the words in their head via a workaholic version of telepathy. If I want them to think of me as intelligent, I read up on discussion topics and ensure the subject comes up. If I want them to consider me thin, I do another workout video and decline the extra cookies. (This is rare, folks.) If I want to be seen as witty, classy, lovely, generous, splendid, and indispensable, I slave away to display these qualities often enough to be noticed.
Description vs. Definition
But the kicker is, how do I know if I’ve achieved it? When I hear one person describe me with one of the desired words? When three people agree with the majority of my list? When everyone on planet earth unanimously shouts, “Emily is witty, classy, lovely, generous, splendid, and indispensable!” All right, the last one would be pretty nice, but I know I’d still manage to doubt my identity. I’d wonder, “Are those really true, or have I just worked hard enough to give the illusion of wit, class, etc.?” In other words, are those how I act or are they really who I am?
See, definitions are much harder than descriptions. Definitions are permanent; they’re true regardless of performance. I may appear generous when I’m well-rested and well-fed, but that doesn’t mean I am truly generous. I want an identity that is true no matter my mood. I want to know who I am. For definitions that carry the weight of ultimate authority—the authority that a Creator has over the creation—I know of only one place to turn: the Bible.
A Relevant Challenge
In Romans 12:2-5, the apostle Paul gives us a glimpse into our true identities, but he starts with a much-needed challenge.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind….For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment…. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
Paul begins by encouraging us to “renew our minds” by letting God’s reality inform our opinion of life. Part of that process is learning to view ourselves as God sees us. It’s funny that Paul specifically warns the Romans against thinking of themselves more highly than they should. If we were to take a poll in America today, I think most of us would say we struggle with poor self-image—whether in body, skill, education, popularity, finance…you name it. But while that may be commonly referred to as a low self-esteem, I think Paul’s warning applies to us just as much. Let me explain.
Thinking of Yourself Less
Paul’s challenge to stop thinking of ourselves too highly is paralleled by his command to think of ourselves with sober judgment. That’s an important delineation. Sober judgment—or sound, honest, truthful judgment—wouldn’t allow me to think of myself as splendid and indispensable, but neither would it permit me to think of myself as worthless and unloved. The latter is as false as the former.
That’s why Paul’s command not to think too highly of ourselves is still applicable. We may not be considering ourselves too highly, in the American sense, but we are probably considering ourselves entirely too much. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis says that a truly humble person “will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.”1 A sober, humble outlook on life leaves us little time to consider how we’re being perceived. We will be too busy doing things that matter—things like serving the church and loving the world.
Insidious Pride
Which leads us to Pauls’ answer to the question, “Who am I, and how do I fit into God’s plan?” He tells us in verses 4-5 that we are parts of a body—individual members of a greater organism, his Church. Paul expands this analogy in 1 Corinthians 12, insisting that every body part is not only useful but integral to the healthy operation of the whole. In verses 14-19, he combats the woe-is-me attitude we call “low self-esteem” by reminding them of God’s sovereign design. When the eye stares longingly at the helpful hands or the brain thinks jealously about the useful feet, Paul reminds them that they, too, are there for a purpose.
In verses 21-26, Paul shifts the focus from the “low self-esteemers” to the arrogant, warning them against the destructiveness of pride. Author Jon Bloom puts it this way: “Pride is the knife that dissects the body of Christ into isolated parts to determine the value of each. The pride of conceit makes us consider our role or function more important than others. The pride of envy makes us covet the function of a part we consider better than our own….”2 So no matter which side of the self-obsession spectrum we fall on, Paul cautions us about looking for our identity in isolation. Regardless of performance, we are parts of a whole. It’s who we are.
A Pointless Pursuit
Bloom goes on to say, “Just like a body part separated from the body looks strange, so do we out of the context of the church. It takes the body of Christ to understand the function of a part, and it takes all the parts working together to make the body function.”3 Bingo. I’ve been scrambling around trying singlehandedly to create my identity through my work, so it’s no wonder I’m exhausted and disappointed. As a believer, I was never intended to find my identity apart from my place in the body of Christ.
And that’s the whole point. It’s impossible to find a true, lasting, permanent identity in what we do; rather, Christ frees us to serve humbly rather than slaving away in hopes of garnering accolades. I may only be a toe in the body of Christ, and I won’t even be a perfect toe, but it’s a relief to know I don’t have to create my own identity. The Creator has made me to fit a specific role that only I can fill, and that’s even better than being considered splendid and indispensable.
In Conclusion
So will this put a permanent end to my perfectionism? Now that I know my acceptance is in Christ and my identity is part of his Church, I can rest easy, right? Not exactly. Rest is exactly what I’m still searching for, and perfectionism just isn’t supplying it. Next time we’ll see what God has to say about that.
Check out the next post here!
1 https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/838381-do-not-imagine-that-if-you-meet-a-really-humble
2 https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/find-your-self-esteem-in-someone-else
3 https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/find-your-self-esteem-in-someone-else
3 Comments on “In Pursuit of Perfection: Identity”
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What an excellent article! Emily I want you to know that as you continue to grow and learn from the Lord there will be less of Self and all of him. In my life God has taught me many things and what I know now is that I am a daughter of the king and that, my dear sweet friend, is all I need to be. Much love.